A dream that slip away

So, i had a sleepless night after a heavy cry yesterday knowing about the high possibility that i would never grad with ANC. Its devastating, considering all the hard work and sacrifices i did for the last 3 years and a half, (god and heaven knows how i want that pink selempang so badly) and its all because of this final semester.  To get ANC you have to get dean list every semester. According to the system, I can't get the dean list for my final semester (the only semester left, for god sake, i just need only 1 more dean list!!! ) because i only have 9 credit hours left. (You need to register at least 12 credit hours and pass with gpa 3.5 and above in that semester to get a dean list, according to academic regulation). What a devastating and disappointing situation for me!!!

So, yesterday in a heavy cry i cannot think. I felt like all my dreams crushed into pieces. I felt like everything that i am working on for the last 3 years, has slipping away from my hand. At least for 5 second, i thought the world was a cruel place to live in. I felt like there is no justice in this world for me. And i cried, and cried, and cried.....

When i stop crying, my husband ask me a question. A question that i believe every single one of you who read my story here would probably ask the same thing. 

"Why ANC is so matters to you? I thought all you ever wanted is to further study at Melbourne. Your result is good enough to apply. What ANC can do to that?"

I cannot answer that simple question with the most accurate words. To answer that, i need all of you to join me to travel through time. It was all started 3 years ago, in the midnight, when i suddenly browse my husband's past convocation book. Yes, yes, it does sound like a disney pixar movie. But this is true story. Believe me.

On 66's convocation, according to that book, there were 157 students got an ANC. These 157 students are considered the best students and they are coming from all 19 faculties in UiTM Shah Alam. I was so inspired by that! So inspired till i felt a goosebumps, my hair raising, and my tears drop! So starting from that night, i decided to be one of them. One of them who will wear that pink selempang. One of them who will have 3 stars at the end of their name in convocation book. 

So that night, i wrote my new mission on my white board, beside the huge UNIMELB words on top of the board. It wrotes, "tamat dengan ANC". Even until now, when ever i look at that words, i still feel the same thing. That same feeling that i had 3 years ago when i first got inspired. 

 So, yes. It is a big deal. It is a big deal for me to get it. It is a big deal IF i lost that opportunity just because of this technical matters that screw my final semester. IT IS THE BIG DEAL FOR ME. 

Now with that kind of story, do you still believe that i am being childish for crying on ANC? ANC is not just an ANC for me. It is the dream. MY DREAM. It's the same thing like some people dream to have their own child. Imagine how bad a 10 years married couple dream about having a child of their own. That's how i feel. Living with a dream that cannot be complete. Then the whole life feel like incomplete. 

To be continue.......


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